4.14: The Power of Listening: I-Statements – Owning your Voice

A picture of a man and woman on either side of the image with the word "VS" between them. The man is saying, "You are," and the woman is saying, "Own your I".

 Owning Your Story

One way to effectively manage conflict is to own your story and your voice by using I-Statements. These statements directly express your thoughts, needs, feelings, and experiences to the people around you. I-statements allow us to take responsibility for our experiences and places the power of our lives in our own hands.  I-statements look like this:

  • I feel…
  • I think…
  • I experienced it like this…
  • I want…
  • I need…

I-statements are contrasted with You-Statements.  These statements imply the other person is responsible for something.  You-statements typically place blame on the other person.  You-statements look like this:

  • You made me feel…
  • You don’t care about me.
  • You never think about how that would impact us.
  • You didn’t…
I-Statements vs You-Statements
I felt unappreciated. You don’t care about me.
I need some help. You are a freeloader and never help.
I felt… You made me feel…
It makes me sad to be left out. You never invite me out with your friends.

Watch out for those Fake I-Statements that so regularly sneak into our conversations. “I feel you…”, “I think you”, “I want you to…” are hidden You-Statements.

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Communication Skills in Early Childhood Education Copyright © 2024 by Southern Alberta Institute of Technology (SAIT) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License, except where otherwise noted.

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