Section 5: Important Moves in Academic Writing
Editing for Emphasis
You can help your readers understand which of your ideas you consider most important by using emphasis and subordination. There are a variety of strategies to choose from to emphasize an idea or to subordinate (or de-emphasize) it.
Use Sentences to Emphasize or Subordinate Ideas
To emphasize an idea, place it in a short sentence at the beginning of the paragraph. Short and simple sentences most effectively convey important ideas. You can provide further explanation, sufficient examples, or evidence in the sentences that follow.
To subordinate an idea, place it in a compound sentence. You can also subordinate an idea by placing it in the middle of your paragraphs, as these tend to receive the least attention.
Example
- Emphasis: Smoking will no longer be permitted in the building. The committee on employee health and safety reached this decision after considering evidence from researchers and physicians on the dangers of second-hand smoke.
- Subordination: The committee on employee health and safety has finished considering evidence, and they have decided that smoking will no longer be permitted in the building.
In the first example, the writer states the main point right away–”Smoking will no longer be permitted in the building”— followed by the reasoning.
In the second example, the writer chooses instead to start with the reasoning before stating the main point (effectively subordinating it by pushing it to the end of the sentence). This strategy can be rhetorically effective, especially when delivering bad or unpleasant news—providing the reasons first can help cushion the impact of the bad news. Be careful not to unintentionally subordinate essential ideas or points.
Use Language to Emphasize or Subordinate Ideas
The language you use (or diction or vocabulary) can also suggest how important an idea is. Use phrases such as most important, major, or primary when discussing ideas you want to emphasize, and phrases such as a minor point to consider or less important to discuss ideas you want to subordinate.
Example
- Emphasis: Our primary consideration must be cost.
- Subordination: A minor consideration is appearance.
Use Active or Passive Voice to Emphasize or Subordinate Ideas
Use active voice to emphasize the person or thing performing the action; use passive voice to emphasize the action that is being performed.
Example
- Active voice: Scientists have conducted experiments to test the hypothesis.
- Passive voice: Experiments have been conducted to test the hypothesis.
Generally, it’s preferable to use the active voice; however, passive voice can be rhetorically effective in some cases. For instance, note in the active example above how the focus of the sentence (its subject) is on the scientists who have conducted the experiments; in the second example, the focus is on the experiments, thereby emphasizing those and subordinating the scientists.
Use Physical Page Spacing to Emphasize or Subordinate Ideas
The amount of space you devote to an idea on the page will help convey the idea’s importance to the reader: Emphasized ideas tend to be given more space on the page than subordinated ideas.
Example
- Communication is arguably the most important activity in any profession. When preparing a technical document, it is vitally important to understand your audience: Will your report be read by people with a vast knowledge of the subject or by novices just entering the field? Knowing your audience affects the style and scope of your report. In the technical fields, reports are often generated from carrying out an experiment (research) and may be in the form of a word-processed document or a bound log/lab book.
- Writing reports based on your lab experiments is one approach to creating a technical report.
The first example would appear more important (visually speaking) to readers simply because there is more information than in the second sample.
Use Repetition to Emphasize or Subordinate Ideas
Repeating important ideas is a good way to emphasize them as well. Be careful not to overuse this strategy, as you may lose reader interest.
Example
- Our primary consideration must be cost—cost to build, cost for additional products and supplies, cost for overhead and maintenance, and cost for increased staffing.
- We are proposing a number of increases for our expansion, an increase in staffing, an increase in sales, an increase in our product line, an increase in our customer base, an increase in customer satisfaction, and an increase in our public visibility.
Use Parallelism to Create Memorable Sentences
Parallelism is the use of a similar structure in related words, clauses, or phrases. It creates a sense of rhythm and balance within a sentence. Parallelism also helps to make a sentence memorable. Consider the following examples. Would they be as memorable without the rhythm created by the parallel structure?
- Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
- We came, we saw, we conquered.
- Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.
As readers, we often correct faulty parallelism—a lack of parallel structure—intuitively because an unbalanced sentence sounds awkward and poorly constructed.
Read the following sentences aloud:
- Kelly had to iron, do the washing, and shopping before her parents arrived.
- Driving a car requires coordination, patience, and to have good eyesight.
- Ali prefers jeans to wearing a suit.
All of these sentences contain faulty parallelism. Although they are factually correct, the construction is clunky and confusing. In the first example, three different verb forms are used. In the second and third examples, the writer begins each sentence by using a noun (coordination, jeans), but ends with a phrase (to have good eyesight, wearing a suit).
Now read the same three sentences that have correct parallelism.
- Kelly had to do the ironing, washing, and shopping before her parents arrived.
- Driving a car requires coordination, patience, and good eyesight.
- Ali prefers wearing jeans to wearing a suit.
When these sentences are written using a parallel structure, they sound more aesthetically pleasing because they are balanced. Repetition of grammatical construction also minimizes the amount of work the reader has to do to decode the sentence. This enables the reader to focus on the main idea in the sentence and not on how the sentence is put together.
A simple way to check for parallelism in your writing is to make sure you have paired nouns with nouns, verbs with verbs, prepositional phrases with prepositional phrases, and so on. Underline each element in a sentence and check that the corresponding element uses the same grammatical form.
Creating Parallelism Using Coordinating Conjunctions
When you connect two clauses using a coordinating conjunction (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so), make sure that the same grammatical structure is used on each side of the conjunction. Take a look at the following example:
Faulty parallelism: When I walk the dog, I like to listen to music and talking to friends on the phone.
Correct parallelism: When I walk the dog, I like listening to music and talking to friends on the phone.
The first sentence uses two different verb forms (to listen, talking). In the second sentence, the grammatical construction on each side of the coordinating conjunction (and) is the same, creating a parallel sentence.
The same technique should be used for joining items or lists in a series:
Faulty parallelism: This committee needs to decide whether the company should reduce its workforce, cut its benefits, or lowering workers’ wages.
Correct parallelism: This committee needs to decide whether the company should reduce its workforce, cut its benefits, or lower workers’ wages.
The first sentence contains two items that use the same verb construction (reduce, cut) and a third item that uses a different verb form (lowering). The second sentence uses the same verb construction in all three items, creating a parallel structure.
You should also use parallelism in bullet lists and headings where possible. Notice that the headings in this chapter follow the same parallel structure.
Creating Parallelism Using Than or As
When you are making a comparison, the two items being compared should have a parallel structure. Comparing two items without using parallel structure can lead to confusion about what is being compared. Comparisons frequently use the words than or as, and the items on each side of these comparison words should be parallel. Take a look at the following example:
Faulty parallelism: Swimming in the ocean is much tougher than in a pool.
Correct parallelism: Swimming in the ocean is much tougher than swimming in a pool.
In the first sentence, the elements before the comparison word (than) are not equal to the elements after the comparison word. It appears that the writer is comparing an action (swimming) with a noun (a pool). In the second sentence, the writer uses the same grammatical construction to create a parallel structure. This clarifies that an action is being compared with another action.
To correct some instances of faulty parallelism, it may be necessary to add or delete words in a sentence.
Faulty parallelism: A brisk walk is as beneficial to your health as going for a run.
Correct parallelism: Going for a brisk walk is as beneficial to your health as going for a run.
In this example, it is necessary to add the verb phrase going for to the sentence in order to clarify that the act of walking is being compared to the act of running.
Attributions
“Editing for Emphasis” by Nancy Bray, Introduction to Academic Writing, University of Alberta, is licensed under CC BY-NC 4.0 and includes material adapted from:
- “Emphasis and Subordination” by Will Fleming, Technical Writing at LBCC, Linn-Benton Community College, is licensed under CC BY 4.0
- “7.3: Parallelism” by Scott McLean, Writing for Success is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
