Section 5: Important Moves in Academic Writing
Editing for Wordiness
Sometimes, writers use too many words when fewer words will appeal more to their audience and better fit their purpose. Eliminating wordiness helps all readers by making your ideas clear, direct, and straightforward. Removing unnecessary words eliminates the possibility that your reader will get bored or confused.
Here are some common examples of wordiness to look for in your draft. These strategies also help you to meet word count requirements for assignments and publications.
Sentences that Begin with “There is” or “There are”
When we use “there is” or “there are” at the beginning of a sentence, these expressions replace the sentence’s subject or the person, place, or thing that is doing the action. These expressions are called dummy subjects. Replacing them with specific subjects improves the wordiness and clarity of the sentence.
Wordy: There are two major experiments that the Biology Department sponsors.
Revised: The Biology Department sponsors two major experiments.Sentences with Unnecessary Modifiers
When we speak, we often add extra words to add emphasis. This is not necessary in writing, however. When you edit for wordiness, look for extra adjectives. Delete any adjectives that do not contribute significantly to the meaning of your sentence.
Wordy: Two extremely famous and well-known consumer advocates spoke eloquently in favour of the proposed important legislation.
Revised: Two well-known consumer advocates spoke in favour of the proposed legislation.
Sentences with Deadwood Phrases
Be judicious when you use deadwood phrases such as in terms of, with a mind to, on the subject of, as to whether or not, more or less, as far as…is concerned, and similar expressions. You can usually find a more straightforward way to state your point.
Wordy: As a world leader in the field of green technology, the company plans to focus its efforts in the area of geothermal energy. A report as to whether or not to use geysers as an energy source is in the process of preparation.
Revised: As a world leader in green technology, the company plans to focus on geothermal energy. A report about using geysers as an energy source is in preparation.
Sentences in the Passive Voice
Sentences with passive-voice verbs often create confusion because the sentence’s subject does not act. Sentences are clearer when the sentence’s subject performs the action and is followed by a strong verb. Use strong active-voice verbs in place of forms of to be, which can lead to wordiness. Avoid passive voice when you can.
Note that there are some circumstances where the passive voice is encouraged. For instance, in lab reports, you generally describe your actions during an experiment in the passive voice. You write, “200 mL of distilled water was poured into a 500 mL beaker” instead of “I poured 200 mL of distilled water into a beaker.” This is common in scientific reports because scientific writers want to move attention away from the human performing the experiment.
Here’s a guide to help you identify the passive voice in your writing.
How to Identify the Passive Voice
- Look for a form of “to be”
Check if the sentence contains a form of the verb “to be” (e.g., is, are, was, were, has been, will be, etc.). These are often clues that the sentence might be in the passive voice.- Example: “The cake was baked by Sarah.”
- Find the main verb
Identify the main action (verb) in the sentence. Ask yourself: What is happening in this sentence?- Example: In “The report was written by the student,” the main verb is “written.”
- Identify the subject and object
Determine who or what is performing the action (subject) and who or what is receiving it (object). In passive voice, the subject of the sentence is often receiving the action instead of doing it.- Example: In “The book was read by John,” the book (the subject) is receiving the action of being read.
- Look for a “by” phrase (Optional)
Many passive sentences include a prepositional phrase starting with “by” to indicate who performed the action. If you see this structure, it’s likely passive voice- Example: “The decision was made by the committee.”
Note: Not all passive sentences include a “by” phrase.If you don’t see a “by” phrase, but you suspect a sentence is in the passive voice, you can try adding “by the zombies” after the verb. For example, take the sentence “The cheese was eaten.” To check if this sentence is in the passive voice, add “by the zombies.” You get, “The cheese was eaten by the zombies.” This is a grammatical sentence in English and indicates that the sentence is in the passive voice. We can rewrite the sentence using the active voice: “The zombies ate cheese.” This eliminates extra words and makes the sentence clearer.
- Example: “The decision was made by the committee.”
- Ask: Can I rewrite this in active voice?
Try rephrasing the sentence so that the subject performs the action directly. If you can rewrite it this way, it’s likely in passive voice.- Passive: “The test results were analyzed by the scientist.”
- Active: “The scientist analyzed the test results.”
- Check for emphasis on action or object
Passive voice often emphasizes what happened or to whom it happened, rather than who performed the action. If this is true for your sentence, it may be in passive voice.- Example: “A solution was prepared for further testing.” (Focus is on what was prepared, not who prepared it.)
Sentences with Constructions that Can Be Shortened
When editing for wordiness, look for ways to shorten constructions that add words to your sentences. In the following example, it is possible to remove “which is” and to combine the second and third sentences.
Wordy: The ebook reader, which is a recent invention, may become as commonplace as the cell phone. My over-sixty uncle bought an ebook reader. His wife bought an ebook reader, too.
Revised: The ebook reader, a recent invention, may become as commonplace as the cell phone. My over-sixty uncle and his wife both bought ebook readers.
Attributions
“Editing for Wordiness” by Nancy Bray, Introduction to Academic Writing, University of Alberta, is licensed under CC BY-NC 4.0 and was adapted from:
- “Being Clear and Concise” by Kathryn Crowther, Lauren Curtright, Nancy Gilbert, Barbara Hall, Tracienne Ravita, and Kirk Swenson, English 101: English Composition, LibreTexts is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 4.0
