3.5 Becoming a More Competent Listener

Many people admit that they could stand to improve their listening skills. This section will help us do that. In this section, we will learn strategies for developing and improving competence at each stage of the listening process. We will also define active listening and the behaviours that go along with it.

Listening Competence at Each Stage of the Listening Process

We can develop competence in each stage of the listening process, as the following list indicates (Ridge, 1993):

1. To improve listening at the receiving stage:
   • Prepare yourself to listen.
   • Discern between intentional messages and noise.
   • Concentrate on stimuli most relevant to your listening purpose(s) or goal(s).
   • Be mindful of the selection and attention process as much as possible.
   • Pay attention to turn-taking signals so you can follow the conversational flow.
   • Avoid interrupting someone while they are speaking in order to maintain your ability to receive stimuli and listen.
2. To improve listening at the interpreting stage:
   • Identify main points and supporting points.
   • Use contextual clues from the person or environment to discern additional meaning.
   • Be aware of how the relational, cultural, and situational context can influence meaning.
   • Be aware of the different meanings of silence.
   • Note differences in tone of voice and other paralinguistic cues that influence meaning.
3. To improve listening at the recalling stage:
   • Use multiple sensory channels to decode messages and make more complete memories.
   • Repeat, rephrase, and reorganize information to fit your cognitive preferences.
   • Use mnemonic devices as a tool to help with recall.
4. To improve listening at the evaluating stage:
   • Separate facts, inferences, and judgements.
   • Be familiar with and able to identify persuasive strategies and fallacies of reasoning.
   • Assess the credibility of the speaker and the message.
   • Be aware of your own biases and how your perceptual filters can create barriers to effective listening.
5. To improve listening at the responding stage:
   • Ask appropriate clarifying and follow-up questions and paraphrase information to check understanding.
   • Give feedback that is relevant to the speaker’s purpose or motivation for speaking.
   • Adapt your response to the speaker and the context.
   • Do not let the preparation and rehearsal of your response diminish earlier stages of listening.

Active Listening

Active listening refers to the process of pairing outwardly visible positive listening behaviours with positive cognitive listening practices. Active listening can help address many of the environmental, physical, cognitive, and personal barriers to effective listening that we discussed earlier. The behaviours associated with active listening can also enhance informational, critical, and empathetic listening.

Being an active listener starts before you actually start receiving a message. Active listeners make strategic choices and take action in order to set up ideal listening conditions. Physical and environmental noises can often be managed by moving locations or by manipulating the lighting, temperature, or furniture. When possible, avoid important listening activities during times of distracting psychological or physiological noise. For example, we often know when we’re going to be hungry or full, more or less awake, or more or less anxious, and advance planning can alleviate the presence of these barriers. For college students, who often have some flexibility in their class schedules, knowing when you best listen can help you make strategic choices regarding what class to take and when.

In terms of cognitive barriers to effective listening, we can prime ourselves to listen by analyzing a listening situation before it begins.

For example, you could ask yourself the following questions:

1. “What are my goals for listening to this message?”
2. “How does this message relate to me or affect my life?”
3. “What listening type and style are most appropriate for this message?”

Effective listeners must work to maintain focus as much as possible and refocus when attention shifts or fades (Wolvin & Coakley, 1993). One way to do this is to find the motivation to listen. If you can identify intrinsic and or extrinsic motivations for listening to a particular message, then you will be more likely to remember the information presented. Ask yourself how a message could impact your life, your career, your intellect, or your relationships. This can help overcome our tendency toward selective attention. As senders of messages, we can help listeners by making the relevance of what we’re saying clear and offering well-organized messages that are tailored for our listeners.

Given that we can process more words per minute than people can speak, we can engage in internal dialogue, making good use of our intrapersonal communication, to become a better listener. Three possibilities for internal dialogue include covert coaching, self-reinforcement, and covert questioning (Hargie, 2016).

• Covert coaching involves sending yourself messages containing advice about better listening, such as “You’re getting distracted by things you have to do after work. Just focus on what your supervisor is saying now.”
• Self-reinforcement involves sending yourself affirmative and positive messages, such as “You’re being a good active listener. This will help you do well on the next exam.”
• Covert questioning involves asking yourself questions about the content in ways that focus your attention and reinforce the material, such as “What is the main idea on that PowerPoint slide?” “Why is he talking about his brother in front of our neighbours?”

Internal dialogue is a more structured way to engage in active listening, but we can use more general approaches as well. It may be best to occupy the “extra” channels in your mind with thoughts that are related to the primary message being received instead of thoughts that are unrelated. We can use those channels to resort, rephrase, and repeat what a speaker says. When we resort, we can help mentally repair disorganized messages. When we rephrase, we can put messages into our own words in ways that better fit our cognitive preferences. When we repeat, we can help messages transfer from short-term to long-term memory.

Another tool that can be used is mental bracketing, which refers to the process of intentionally separating out intrusive or irrelevant thoughts that may distract you from listening (McCornack, 2007). This requires us to monitor our concentration and attention and be prepared to let thoughts that aren’t related to a speaker’s message pass through our minds without giving them much attention.

The video below provides some information and resources related to how we can actively listen to others.

(TEDx Talks, 2019)

Active Listening Behaviours

From the suggestions discussed previously, you can see that we can prepare for active listening in advance and engage in certain cognitive strategies to help us listen better. We also engage in active listening behaviours as we receive and process messages.

Eye contact is a key sign of active listening. Speakers usually interpret a listener’s eye contact as a signal of attentiveness. Although a lack of eye contact may indicate inattentiveness, it can also signal cognitive processing. When we look away to process new information, we usually do it unconsciously. Be aware, however, that your conversational partner may interpret this as not listening. If you really do need to take a moment to think about something, you could indicate that to the other person by saying, “That’s new information to me. Give me just a second to think through it.” We have already learned the role that back-channel cues play in listening—an occasional head nod and “uh-huh” signal that you are paying attention. However, when we give these cues as a form of “autopilot” listening, others can usually tell that we are pseudo-listening, and whether they call us on it or not, that impression could lead to negative judgements.

A more direct way to indicate active listening is to reference previous statements made by the speaker. Norms of politeness usually call on us to reference a past statement or connect to the speaker’s current thought before starting a conversational turn. Being able to summarize what someone said to ensure that the topic has been satisfactorily covered and understood or being able to segue in a way that validates what the previous speaker said helps regulate conversational flow. Asking probing questions is another way to directly indicate listening and to keep a conversation going, since they encourage and invite a person to speak more. You can also ask questions that seek clarification and not just elaboration. Speakers should present complex information at a slower speaking rate than familiar information, but many will not. Remember that your nonverbal feedback can be useful for a speaker because it signals that you are listening but also indicates whether or not you understand. If a speaker fails to read your nonverbal feedback, you may need to follow up with verbal communication in the form of paraphrased messages and clarifying questions.

As active listeners, we want to be excited and engaged but not let our excitement manifest itself in interruptions. Being an active listener means knowing when to maintain our role as listener and resist the urge to take a conversational turn.

Note-taking (Image 3.16) can also indicate active listening. Translating information through writing into our own cognitive structures and schemata allows us to better interpret and assimilate information. Of course, note-taking isn’t always a viable option. It would be fairly awkward to take notes during a first date or a casual exchange between new co-workers. But in some situations where we wouldn’t normally consider taking notes, a little awkwardness might be worth it for the sake of understanding and recalling the information. For example, many people don’t think about taking notes when getting information from their doctor or banker, but many people would rather someone jot down notes instead of having to respond to follow-up questions on information that had already been clearly conveyed. To help facilitate your note-taking, you might say something like “Do you mind if I jot down some notes? This seems important.”

In summary, active listening is exhibited through verbal and nonverbal cues, including steady eye contact with the speaker, smiling, slightly raised eyebrows, upright posture, leaning in toward the speaker, nonverbal back-channel cues such as head nods, verbal back-channel cues such as “okay,” “mm-hmm,” or “oh,” and a lack of distracting mannerisms like doodling or fidgeting (Hargie, 2016).

Becoming a Better Critical Listener

Critical listening involves evaluating the credibility, completeness, and worth of a speaker’s message. Some listening scholars note that critical listening represents the deepest level of listening (Floyd, 1985). Since people can say just about anything they want, we are surrounded by countless messages that vary tremendously in terms of their value, degree of ethics, accuracy, and quality. Therefore, it falls on us to responsibly and critically evaluate the messages we receive. Some messages are produced by people who are intentionally misleading, ill informed, or motivated by the potential for personal gain, but such messages can be received as honest, credible, or altruistic even though they aren’t. Being able to critically evaluate messages helps us have more control over and awareness of the influence such people may have on us. In order to critically evaluate messages, we must enhance our critical-listening skills.

Some critical-listening skills include distinguishing between facts and inferences, evaluating supporting evidence, discovering your own biases, and listening beyond the message. Part of being an ethical communicator is being accountable for what we say by distinguishing between facts and inferences (Hayakawa & Hayakawa, 1990). This ideal is not always met in practice, so a critical listener should also make these distinctions since the speaker may not. Because facts are widely agreed-on conclusions, they can be verified as such with some extra research. Take care in your research to note the context from which the fact emerged, as speakers may take a statistic or quote out of context, distorting its meaning. Inferences are not as easy to evaluate, because they are based on unverifiable thoughts of a speaker or on speculation. Inferences are usually based at least partially on something that is known, so it is possible to evaluate whether an inference was made carefully or not. In this sense, you may evaluate an inference based on several known facts as more credible than an inference based on one fact and more speculation. Asking a question like “What led you to think this?” is a good way to get information needed to evaluate the strength of an inference.

Distinguishing among facts and inferences and evaluating the credibility of supporting material are critical-listening skills that also require good informational-listening skills. In more formal speaking situations, speakers may cite published or publicly available sources to support their messages. When speakers verbally cite their sources, you can use the credibility of the source to help evaluate the credibility of the speaker’s message. For example, information from a national newspaper would likely be more credible than that from a tabloid magazine or an anonymous blog. In regular interactions, people also have sources for their information but are not as likely to note them in their message. Asking questions like “Where did you hear that?” or “How do you know that?” can help get the information needed to make a critical evaluation.

Discovering your own biases can help you recognize when they interfere with your ability to fully process a message. Biases are also difficult to discover because we don’t see them as biases—we see them as normal or “the way things are.” Asking yourself “What led you to think this?” and “How do you know that?” can be a good start towards acknowledging your biases.

Lastly, to be a better critical listener, think beyond the message. A good critical listener asks the following questions: What is being said and what is not being said? In whose interests are these claims being made? Whose voices and ideas are included and excluded? These questions take into account that speakers intentionally and unintentionally slant, edit, or twist messages to make them fit a particular perspective or for personal gain. Also ask yourself questions like “What are the speaker’s goals?” You can also rephrase that question and direct it toward the speaker, asking them, “What is your goal in this interaction?” When you feel yourself nearing an evaluation or conclusion, pause and ask yourself what influenced you. Although we like to think that we are most often persuaded through logical evidence and reasoning, we are susceptible to persuasive shortcuts that rely on the credibility or likability of a speaker or on our emotions rather than the strength of their evidence (Petty & Cacioppo, 1984). So, to be critical listener, keep a check on your emotional involvement and be aware of how it may be influencing your evaluation.

Becoming a Better Empathetic Listener

Empathetic listening involves caring and respecting the dignity of others (Bruneau, 1993). It is more philosophical than the other types of listening because it requires that we be open to subjectivity and that we engage in it because we genuinely see it as worthwhile.

Combining active and empathetic listening leads to active-empathetic listening. During active-empathetic listening, the listener becomes actively and emotionally involved in the interaction; the listening is conscious on the part of the listener and is perceived by the speaker (Bodie, 2016). To be a better empathetic listener, we need to suspend or at least attempt to suppress our judgement of the other person and their message so we can fully attend to both. Paraphrasing is an important part of empathetic listening because it helps us put the other person’s words into our frame of experience without making it about us. In addition, speaking the words of someone else in our own way can help evoke within us the feelings that the other person felt while saying them (Bodie, 2016). Active-empathetic listening is more than echoing verbal messages. We can also engage in mirroring, which refers to a listener’s replication of the nonverbal signals of a speaker (Bruneau, 1993). Therapists, for example, are often taught to adopt a posture and tone similar to their patients in order to build rapport and project empathy.

Paraphrasing and questioning are useful techniques for empathetic listening because they allow us to respond to a speaker without “taking the floor” or the attention away for long. Specifically, questions that ask for elaboration act as “verbal door openers,” inviting someone to speak more, and then validating their speech through active listening cues. This can help a person feel “listened to” (Hargie, 2016). Paraphrasing and asking questions are also useful when we feel tempted to share our own stories and experiences rather than maintaining our listening role. The questions aren’t intended to solicit more information, so we can guide or direct the speaker toward a specific course of action. Although it is easier for us to slip into an advisory mode—saying things like “Well if I were you, I would …”—we have to resist the temptation to give unsolicited advice.

Empathetic listening can be worthwhile, but it also brings challenges. In terms of costs, empathetic listening can use up time and effort. Since this type of listening can’t be contained within a prescribed timeframe, it may be especially difficult for time-oriented listeners (Bruneau, 1993). Empathetic listening can also be a test of our endurance, as its orientation towards and focus on supporting the other person requires processing and integrating a lot of verbal and nonverbal information. Because of this potential strain, it is important to know your limits as an empathetic listener. While listening can be therapeutic, it is not appropriate for people without training and preparation to try to serve as a therapist. Some people have chronic issues that necessitate professional listening for the purposes of evaluation, diagnosis, and therapy. Lending an ear is different from diagnosing and treating. If you have a friend who is exhibiting signs of a more serious issue that needs attention, listen to the extent that you feel comfortable, then be prepared to provide referrals to other resources that have the training to help. To face these challenges, good empathetic listeners typically have a generally positive self-concept and self-esteem, are nonverbally sensitive and expressive, and are comfortable with embracing another person’s subjectivity and refraining from too much analytical thought.

Listening in Professional Contexts

Listening is one of the most neglected aspects of organizational-communication research (Flynn et al., 2008). This lack of a focus on listening persists, even though we know that more effective listening skills have been shown to enhance work performance in areas such as sales and that managers who exhibit good listening skills help create open communication climates that can lead to increased feelings of supportiveness, motivation, and productivity in the workplace (Flynn et al., 2008). Specifically, empathetic listening and active listening can play key roles in organizational communication. Managers are wise to enhance their empathetic listening skills because being able to empathize with employees contributes to a positive communication climate. Active listening among organizational members also promotes involvement and increases motivation, which leads to more cohesion and enhances the communication climate.

The listening environment refers to the characteristics and norms of an organization and its members that contribute to expectations for and perceptions about listening (Brownell, 1993). Positive listening environments are perceived to be more employee centred, which can improve job satisfaction and cohesion. As such, it is important to know how to create a positive listening environment in the workplace.

Positive listening environments are facilitated by the breaking down of barriers to concentration, the reduction of noise, the creation of a shared reality (through shared language, such as similar jargon or a shared vision statement), intentional spaces that promote listening, official opportunities that promote listening, training in listening for all employees, and leaders who model good listening practices and praise others who are successful listeners (Brownell, 1993). Policies and practices that support listening must go hand in hand. After all, what does an “open-door” policy mean if it is not coupled with actions that demonstrate the sincerity of the policy?

Listening in Relational Contexts

Listening plays a central role in establishing and maintaining our relationships (Nelson-Jones, 2006). Without some listening competence, we wouldn’t be able to engage in the self-disclosure process, which is essential for establishing relationships. Newly acquainted people get to know each other through increasingly personal and reciprocal disclosures of personal information. In order to reciprocate a conversational partner’s disclosure, we must process it through listening. Once relationships are formed, listening to others provides a psychological reward through the simple act of recognition, which helps maintain our relationships. Listening to our relational partners and being listened to in return is part of the give-and-take of any interpersonal relationship. Our thoughts and experiences “back up” inside us, and getting them out helps us maintain a positive balance (Nelson-Jones, 2006). So something as routine and seemingly pointless as listening to our romantic partner debrief the events of their day or our roommate recount their weekend back home shows that we are taking an interest in their lives and are willing to put our own needs and concerns aside for a moment to attend to their needs. Listening also closely ties to conflict because a lack of listening often plays a large role in creating conflict, whereas effective listening helps us resolve it.

Listening has relational implications throughout our lives, too. Parents who engage in competent listening behaviours with their children from a very young age make their children feel worthwhile and appreciated, which affects their development in terms of personality and character (Nichols, 1995). A lack of listening leads to feelings of loneliness, which results in lower self-esteem and higher degrees of anxiety. In fact, by the age of four or five years old, the empathy and recognition shown by the presence or lack of listening has moulded children’s personalities in noticeable ways (Nichols, 1995). Children who have been listened to grow up expecting that others will be available and receptive to them. These children are therefore more likely to interact confidently with teachers, parents, and peers in ways that help develop communication competence that will be built on throughout their lives. Children who have not been listened to may come to expect that others will not want to listen to them, which leads to a lack of opportunities to practise, develop, and hone foundational communication skills. Fortunately for the more-listened-to children and unfortunately for the less-listened-to children, these early experiences become predispositions that don’t change much as the children get older and may actually reinforce themselves and become stronger.

References

Flynn, J., Valikoski, T.-R., & Grau, J. (2008). Listening in the business context: Reviewing the state of research. The International Journal of Listening, 22(2), 141–151. https://doi.org/10.1080/10904010802174800

Hayakawa, S. I., & Hayakawa, A. R. (1990). Language in thought and action (5th ed.). Harcourt Brace Jovanovich.

McCornack, S. (2007). Reflect & relate: An introduction to interpersonal communication. Bedford/St Martin’s.

Nelson-Jones, R. (2006). Human relationship skills: Coaching and self-coaching (4th ed.). Routledge.

Nichols, M. P. (1995). The lost art of listening: How learning to listen can improve relationships. Guilford Press.

Petty, R. E., & Cacioppo, J. T. (1984). The effects of involvement on responses to argument quantity and quality: Central and peripheral routes to persuasion. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 46(1), 69–81. https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/0022-3514.46.1.69

Ridge, A. (1993). A perspective of listening skills. In A. D. Wolvin & C. G. Coakley(Eds.), Perspectives on listening. Alex Publishing.

TEDx Talks. (2019, September 30). How to actively listen to others | Scott Pierce | TEDxBirmingham [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yq5pJ0q3xuc

Wolvin, A. D., & Coakley, C. G. (1993). A listening taxonomy. In A. D. Wolvin & C. G. Coakley(Eds.), Perspectives on listening. Alex Publishing.

Image Credits (images are listed in order of appearance)

Shimer College Susan Henking listening 2013 cropped by Shimer College, CC BY 2.0

Wikimania 2020 Planning Meetup in Bangkok – 29 July 2019 (Saturday) – Ivonne note taking by Vanjpadilla, CC BY-SA 4.0

Kriegsenkel e.V. Herbsttagung 2014 by Andreas Bohnenstengel, CC BY-SA 3.0 DE